I was talking last night to a very good friend of mine and we came on to the topic of how having access to certain language, in this instance we were referring to labels, gives us the power to understand ourselves better. In that we develop the tools that we need to tailor to our individual needs in order to function, ie. by understanding who we are and how we process things differently to those around us, it helps us realise how important it is to identify our own strengths and weaknesses and areas where we need to step in and be responsible for our own behaviours. We cannot learn this if we do not have a fundamental understanding of individuality and differences, particularly when neurodivergence is at play.
As a clearly neurodivergent individual, I can only reflect on my personal experience. My personal experience is very different and in that regard very outdated. I grew up in a society that did not have access to that language. I grew up in a society that did not typically see girls as neurodivergent. My parents didn’t have access to that information or research and as a result I was labelled as an emotional child among a few negative labels. My identity was then formed around that narrow viewpoint.
My friend highlighted how her journey with discovering her sexuality was very similar to mine. There was no label available, there was no positive media portrayal or representation, there were no known allies or archetypes in her childhood experiences. For me it was very similar, but I knew the labels. The labels came with a heavy weight attached however. I knew it was a sin. I knew members of my family disproved. My only image of a lesbian woman however was that of a stereotypical butch lesbian. I now understand that that simply just isn’t my usual type, however at the time I was developing my own identity, with the limited tools at my disposal. I simply concluded that I couldn’t possibly be a lesbian, as I wasn’t attracted to that stereotype.
In terms of finding that identity required a lot of self introspection and required me to let go of some of the myths that I had been told that I had let myself believe. I was under the complete impression that every woman experienced fantasies, that that was all I was experiencing, nothing else. My aversion to men could be explained by several negative experiences with those of that gender. Everything could be explained by the narrow view, and relatively small amount of information I had about being homosexual. On top of the gut feeling that if I were to ever examine myself properly and allow myself to accept my sexuality long before I did, that would entail a lot of judgement and rejection. A perfect excuse to keep it locked in a box in the back of my mind. I may be independent in many ways, but I am a glutton for acceptance and that leaves me to remain reliant upon others approval.
I hear people criticising the youth of today for going too far in promoting the importance of mental health and the importance of identity and acceptance. Being called woke, or too weak to survive this world. I beg to disagree. Yes the language and the colours and the flags and the genders across all spectrums, embracing neurodivergence and honouring it in all forms, can be overwhelming. It is. It’s new. It’s progressive, it pushes boundaries, enforces boundaries which in turn leads to pushback and resistance.
In a year when the Conservative government reduced the budget for mental health services by more than half. Services have folded, providers are out of jobs, and the places that do exist are desperately over subscribed. We are fearful of creating a generation that seems to have more problems and the entire system will collapse. I feel like we need to foster and listen to a generation that have created a language and in doing so demanded a boundary. They are equipping themselves to use the necessary tools required to manage their own condition or behaviour. They are identifying areas of concern and highlighting areas we need to invest in. They are our future, they are the next generation we will be voting for.
A generation that recognises vulnerabilities and pushes for change is progressive and will always be out voiced in the early stages. But as we have seen in history, positive change has never come from conformity. Generations of women for example were oppressed and chastised for demanding equality. There is much progress needed still within this generation. I do not wish to digress, I only highlight it as a fair and relatable comparison.
If I had had the language or access to the language that my children have, then my life would have looked entirely different.
I will always advocate for giving our children access to a wide vocabulary in all aspects of life. Allow them to educate themselves and allow them the ability to identify themselves. Doing this gives them not only your acceptance, but also skills to navigate this world. Because at the end of the day, it is their choice to disclose any identity to whomever they choose, and they should have autonomy over that. Therefore any argument that society will not accept would be null and void in the case of non disclosure. It has to be argued that self acceptance is of a higher value to an individual than societal acceptance, which, may I point out is rapidly changing.
We do not have to look too far back in history to look at the examples of the witch trials. Had we had the words to describe mental health, hormone fluctuations, neurodivergence, post-partum depression and psychosis to name a few. Would women have been persecuted to the same extent. Instead we were either labelled hysterical and put in asylums or burnt at the stake. The concept of witch trials is not limited to the past, they exist very much today, just under a guise of mysogeny and inequality. It has progressed because we have increased our language, changed the narrative and are better informed. We are not in anyway near to a solution however, so the boundaries have to be pushed further, the language and capacity for understanding has to be increased for progress to incur.
Me, Myself and Who am I? 