When there is no one else but my own company, everyone else is sound asleep, I am the most alive I have ever been. It’s as if everything is amplified. Sounds that you would never notice in the hustle and bustle of the daytime start to echo around the house and the streets outside. Streetlights flicker and moonlight creeps through the slivers in the curtain, dancing reflections around the room. But above the echoes and the dancing there is still a deafening silence. The silence of being alone in that moment.
That moment when my thoughts are not just tangling in weaves inside my head, but are racing and screaming and tripping over each other. When above even the echoes, the dancing and the silence there is the thundering of my hastened heart. Tightening and writhing inside my chest wanting to break free.
What ifs are never answered, in contrast, multiplied. Words replayed and reanalysed but never unspoken. Wounds reopen and extravasate deep impurities that never healed. Solutions are too far to reach for beyond the chaos and the noise.
Insomnia is a gruesome beast. Anxiety a fair accomplice.
Tables are turning these days I hope. Steps taken, bridges somewhat reinforced, to proceed with caution. Ultimately, alone we have our demons, and alone we have to face them.
Choosing to see light in the darkness, company in the lonesomeness, clarity in the silence and hope in replacement of despondency.
One uncertain and uncomfortable footstep at a time.
Me, Myself and Who am I? 