What skills or lessons have you learned recently?
I never used to be allowed to hoover much, a room here and there perhaps, without carpet. Carpet is the death of me.
The risk to my body was too much.
The risk of dislocation, injury, fatigue and chronic pain for days afterwards, just made it one of those jobs, that my partner wouldn’t let me do.
We would all suffer if I pushed myself too much, so we complimented each other by working to our strengths and cooperating.
The past six years, I had to graduate to hoovering a much bigger house. With carpets.
Then, hoovering the skirting boards and plug sockets.
Then hoovering the whole house with the tiniest nozzle the hoover came with.
Then get on my hands and knees and scrape up all the bits the hoover missed, children’s hair in the carpet mostly.
Every week I had to scrub out every plug hole with a toothbrush, and shine everything that could be shined.
Get rid of any imperfection in our show home.
Cleaning makes my mind turn to mush.
The pain I and fatigue from my ME/CFS was intolerable, but I pushed through.
What else did I have to offer?
I couldn’t work, so I threw myself into homemaker.
Teaching the four children religiously and devising well structured routines throughout Covid.
Alone.
I was high risk.
I couldn’t go out.
I barely existed.
I lost touch with reality.
I was safe in my cocoon, and I dedicated my life to making that cocoon a safe and happy place for us all.
I broke.
I am broken.
I lost it all.
I don’t even understand why.
Today I hoovered my room.
A tiny room just for me.
All alone.
No home comforts.
No memories.
No sanctuary.
But it is my new cocoon.
So I hoovered.
And dusted.
And tidied.
And now, I rest x
š
We have visitors coming, two rooms of crap to empty. A garage to sort and windows to clean.
No rest for the wicked x
Me, Myself and Who am I? 