Servitude.

I lost my entire life to servitude.

Serving the whims and desires of others.

Desperate to please them.

Desperate for acceptance, and the deserving to be loved in return.

I never felt enough.

I was never adequate enough.

Not organised enough.

Not ‘stable’ enough.

Every time I disappointed someone, I increased my efforts to prove that I was worthy.

To no avail.

I broke so many times, yet kept picking myself up from the floor, telling myself that next time, I just had to work a little harder. Stay more focussed.

In my heart of hearts I knew I was destined to fail, but I never gave up hope, because I knew who I was and how much love and passion I carried deeply in my heart and soul. My entire being.

No one could question my effort and dedication right?

I was accountable for things that were not my burdens to carry, but I took them on as I had done my entire life.

I did not recognise harm, because harm is all I have known. The not quite getting it right and missing the mark. The constant criticism, and lack of accountability from anyone else screamed at me, but I ignored it. NO one else ever wanted to be accountable, so instead, I would grovel and beg for acceptance many times. So I could continue in my servitude.

To have my basic human rights taken away from me when I dared accept it no more.

I was a fool.