Picture perfect.
Serene.
I’m living the dream.
So it seems.
A backdrop of coastline.
A reel of fine things.
Nobody care delve
further behind the scenes.
A catalogue of errors.
A host of intense pain.
A grief so immense.
Trauma upon trauma.
Not one man could make sense.
A world far removed.
A mind stretched apart.
Too many seams to stitch back together.
With just but a spool of invisible threads.
Webs of untruths entangled.
Just discovered.
Knocked me for six.
What else is in the cupboard?
I plod on.
I survive.
Try to wear my best smile.
All alone.
In the wilderness.
Lost.
As a child.
But I pose with a smile.
Once in a while.
For all eyes that prey.
And await the decay.
Of my fragile mind.
To promise that I.
Shall continue to stand high.
Although departure was bleak.
My innocence should speak.
As actions not words.
Shall prove just desserts.
Nor faltered through time.
This is not a new rhyme.
They all heard my pleas.
But turned backs on me.
To fully discard.
The truth I wear on my heart.
Because society it seems.
Does not like to peek behind the scenes.
If to their distaste.
They discard with due haste.
So no bitter taste.
Will lay at their plate.
They don’t want to know.
Best not get involved.
Best you figure it out.
For yourself.
Alone.
In the cold.
So I soldier on.
Each day a new day.
No time to cry.
To kneel.
Nor to pray.
Society demands.
I prove my worth again.
In order to be a mother.
This nightmare has to end.
Prove the lies against me.
Prove I’m not insane.
Heal my broken body.
Pretend like there’s no pain.
Dignity removed.
Not retained again.
Heartburn like a hellfire.
Ulcers double me over.
Muscle spasms.
Nervous tics.
Sensory overload 24/7.
Show them who you are Jade.
Prove that you are strong.
Show them who you can be.
Whilst your world has been destroyed.
Nothing can ever be the same until you take this test.
One you will surely fail.
As life is such an unholy mess.
No one to hold my hand.
Guide me to the light.
No shoulder to hang my head upon.
Or hold me when I am scared.
Night terrors a plenty.
Insomnia remains.
Restrictions.
Conditions.
Malicious.
Save face.
Bite back.
My mistake.
I have paid the price with everything I ever had and ever loved.
Is that not enough.
When will this charade end.
When my silence is secured?
I know not where this is going.
Or if it will ever end.
Will I ever get my freedom back?
Or answers from Heaven sent?
I know not which direction to turn.
Who is or isn’t my friend.
But every day I fight for my sanity.
As if it has an end.
To exit the rollercoaster
that had me bound and chained.
I don’t give up.
I never give up.
This is the hardest it has ever been.
So I continue posting pictures.
To obscure the great unseen.
To convince myself I am happy here.
And pretend I am at peace.
Me, Myself and Who am I? 