Butterfly.

I was asked to find drawings in real life, but instead of a drawing it had to be abstract. This gives me no end of anxiety, a task that has to be outside of the box. The parameters were seemingly endless, it must have been a trap, surely this is something that I shall inevitably fail.

I cannot turn up empty handed, it’s homework, and I’m a ‘good girl’, I do what is expected, but I also don’t like rules, or so I thought. This time there were no rules and I found myself floundering.

I haven’t written on here for a long time, I’ve been scared of failure, I’ve been scared I’m not good enough, scared of embarrassing myself, but at the same time desperate to want to be able to write. So I’ve pulled my socks up, and Hopefully, I have conquered my brief, but also it has enabled me to share here.

I chose to draw through the form of poetry:

Butterfly.

I chased a butterfly across my mind.

A great expanse and a cage, all encompassing and wild at the same time.

It’s wings so tiny and fragile, yet they reverberate and resound, disturbing the infinite post-its decorating the walls of the cage.

Colours of the rainbow, full of thoughts, ideas, dreams and fears.

Reflected on the paper thin angel wings that carry the weight of its dis-proportioned body.

I usher it through the door to my peaceful place, a sanctuary to reflect.

A secret garden in my mind.

Through the passing gate, where I leave all my worries and fears pegged behind.

A garden full of wonders and beauty, willows swaying in the breeze.

Grass studded with daisies, white snowdrops and crocus flowers.

A fresh spring awakening.

Dew drops tentatively balancing on edges, so fragile like the butterfly.

It’s quiet here, a tranquil haven.

Time to pause and rest the ever fluttering wings.

Time to observe and reflect a while,

drink it all in.

Then at once, as if we both know, we turn and recognise one another,

just for a second.

A knowing.

A nod.

Not permission

but acceptance.

The small beautiful creature has been set free.

…………

Although, I literally whipped this up in the half an hour before my art therapy session, I really enjoyed writing it. I guess I’m trying to reflect on my mind at the moment, and how it is really hard to catch a thought at times, when my mind is racing and racing, and the colours reflecting on the wings is about how the thoughts can be overlapping. My mind feels like an expanse with the sheer amount that goes on, but also the cage because I can also feel so trapped and limited.

I briefly talk about my mind garden being sacred, I could write pages and pages about my mind garden, because although I go to the same place, inevitably it is also different every time I create it. I find it so important to protect that space in my mind, it’s untouchable and impenetrable from the outside, no one else is ever allowed in, it’s MY place of peace and tranquility, but I must learn to make use of it more, and I guess by writing about it, I hope to nudge myself into doing so, and then perhaps I can find time to catch my breath, catch my thoughts, and have time to consider them. Filtering out the good and the bad, releasing, acknowledging, turfing out if need be.

I shall write another time a little bit more about how I make use of my mind garden, today I just wanted to share my very basic attempt at a bit of poetry, and fingers crossed it suffices for my homework project.